so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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