so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
