Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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