As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
