Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
