I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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