your thong is hanging out like whoa
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Enjoy the penises
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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