Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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