A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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