Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've blown a few things in my day
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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