I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We have started to decorate penises.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
