also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
