grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
