I wish I could teleport
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize