I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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