god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
