note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
