If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
