If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
