i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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