i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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