Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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