How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize