i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
