Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
