I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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