Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
