tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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