Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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