i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
