i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
