i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
