Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize