She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
