just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
