Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
