oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
