A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
