He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize