Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
