the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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