Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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