I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
be right there i have to get my cape
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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