just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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