your room smells of hookers.
And success
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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