so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
