he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im just a social blackout drinker.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
