Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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