you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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