You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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