i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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