I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You need a sexual gate keeper
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize