before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
