I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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