i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
