No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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