Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
