As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize