I only kidnapped one of them. chill
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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