soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
