i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
