This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize