just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
