Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
