Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
