Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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