Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Randomize
