Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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