Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize