I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
