So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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