I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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