1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
