med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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