I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize