I looked at my own cervix.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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