I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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