Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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