You can't special order awesome
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
