cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
