i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
