Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I skipped work to stalk him.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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