Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
