God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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