There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
