We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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