so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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