Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
