i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
