well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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