I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
