I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize