this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you made out with another girl for some wings
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
