Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
