Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
