seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
