Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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