Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
did i just pee glitter
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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