Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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