i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
