uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
