I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize