Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
