You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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