We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
