Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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