Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize